Context gives experience meaning

The meaning we make of what happens in our life is not fixed.  This is because it is not a feature of the event itself, instead it’s something we construct in our mind in response to what happens.

The meaning we make of things is our current interpretation of them, we have attached them to the observable facts, meaning is not the facts themselves.  Our experience is shaped by the meaning we make of things and the context in which we place this meaning.  Context is the larger story we have that tells us what the experience signifies, context gives experience meaning.

As an example:

“I did not pass the exam, I am stupid.”

The observable fact is that the exam was not passed.  The meaning being made of that is that ‘I am stupid.’

However, if you change the context you place this in, the meaning can also change.  Here’s a reframe that zooms out and takes into account wider context:

“I had a lot on my plate when I didn’t pass that exam.  It was all new to me, I was living in a new place with different people, and my revision approach was disjointed. I’ve learned what not to do, and next time I’ll make more space and time for myself and to revise.”

This does not minimise or excuse what happened, it just changes the frame through which it is interpreted to turn it into some useful insights rather than it simply being a judgment.

Here’s a simple method for reframing things, borrowed from an AI engine but beautifully put. Ask:

1.       What happened?Describe it without interpretation.

2.       What story did I put around it?“This means I'm ___.”“This proves ___.”“Because this happened, I'll always ___.”

3.       What assumptions make that interpretation possible?Maybe you're assuming that one event represents your entire character, that the past predicts the future, or that there is only one explanation.

4.       What other contexts are also true?What was happening around you? What did you not know then? What were you trying to accomplish? What constraints existed?

5.       What does the experience mean from where I am now?Not “How can I make this sound positive?” but “What is a more complete interpretation now that I have more information?”

6.       What can I carry forward?A lesson, boundary, value, skill, warning, appreciation, or simply knowledge about yourself.

One powerful question is:

“If this experience were a chapter in my book rather than the whole story, what would its role in the story be?”

It might be a chapter about loss, but also about discovering what matters. A chapter about rejection, but also about changing direction. A chapter about making a mistake, but also about learning what you needed to learn.

The goal isn't to force a positive meaning onto something painful. It's to recognize that the original meaning wasn't the only possible way of interpreting it.

I’ll write again about the many ways we can reframe experience to change the way we feel about things, but for now, if you want support in helping your story unfold in the way you want it to get in touch.